Although I had booked a room for myself at a conference I recently attended, shortly after I checked in I discovered I had an unwelcomed roommate. It wasn’t one of the seven hundred women who were gathering for She Speaks 2013, nor was it a confused hotel guest.
No, it was no other than a former acquaintance I thought I had kissed goodbye a while back.
Insecurity, with her attendant baggage of lies and self consciousness tried her best to tag along with me. She trailed me to meals and whispered things like, “Look at all those women eating together. You’re going to look so awkward sitting alone—or worse yet, barging in on a group’s conversation. Their average age must be thirty. Who’d want to pay attention to someone as old as you.”
I reminded her I was a daughter of the Lord and it was up to Him when and where He was finished living through me. Insecurity is a stubborn character though. She followed me into the lecture hall, but slunk to the back when Lysa Terkeurst opened with the admonition to “let your identity, not your insecurity lead in a situation.”
I thought I had lost her until I walked into my small critique group where I would give a five minute speech, along with the other eleven women. I’d always been confident about speaking before groups but was suddenly overcome with insecurity’s presence: “You’re just talking about something God did for you a long time ago. These women have ministries and lessons for today’s woman. “
And then her coup d’ etat: “Look at there! Mandisa is in your group! Sure hope no one wants you to sing. Now you’re really out of your league.”
Sure enough, there sat Mandisa. She said God was calling her to speak more and although she had no problem singing, she was actually nervous about delivering her speech to us!
“Ha! I whispered to my lying shadow. “Even a stage savvy, gifted woman like her gets nervous. Our God has gifted me as well in different areas, and He can say what He wants through my mouth and my writing. I am His workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works as much as every other woman in this room.”
As each woman began her message, the Lord took over and spoke healing, redemption, freedom, and grace. Insecurity moved to the back of the room but caught my attention after several powerful deliveries and mouthed, “They’re all so good.”
In turn, I stepped to the lectern, opened my mouth and let out my story of the mighty deeds of the Lord—timeless deeds regardless of age or season. Insecurity moved toward the door.
Mandisa stepped forward, did a few warmup jumping jacks to shake off her nerves and banged out her message with as much power as she does her songs.
Then, wedged in there in between the bathroom and the microwave counter of the little suite we were in she gave us another gift and sang "You're an
I looked behind me in time to see the door close as Insecurity slithered out.
Yes, our hearts may race and our palms sweat but we are OVERCOMERS in Christ! May we set that ever before our eyes.
Wow. I loved this - and you! Thanks.ReplyDelete
Love you too Lori! Thanks for stopping by.Delete
Oh my heart, I LOVE this so much and identify completely! Thank you for giving it such a clear picture for me to grab onto! This must be shared!ReplyDelete
Thanks Susie. Such a common and crippling concernDelete
A spot-on message for all of us. Thank you.ReplyDelete
Marcia, I'm new here. So glad Susie shared this blessing. Why does insecurity follow us everywhere even though we remind her that we are daughters of the King. Thanks for helping me remember that I'm not the only one. Blessings to you!ReplyDelete
Praying for that day when I truly "SEE" who I am! Thanks for stopping by DebDelete
What a great message! Insecurity shows up often in my world also. Next time she does I'm going to remind her of Lysa's words.ReplyDelete
Yes! so timely--for anytime!Delete
This is wonderful! And when I first started reading, I thought you were leading up to a cockroach being in your room. So, I'm glad that didn't happen. :)ReplyDelete
Oh Marcia -- I love Mandisa, and I love that song! Good for you for taking on the SheSpeaks challenge. I know it was hard, but I'm sure you got some great info.ReplyDelete
Btw, when we go to Allume in October, we'll hang out. My friend Di (also our age) went last year and said it's full of sweet young things. Us seasoned gals need to stick together!