Although I had booked a room for myself at a conference I recently attended, shortly after I checked in I discovered I had an unwelcomed roommate. It wasn’t one of the seven hundred women who were gathering for She Speaks 2013, nor was it a confused hotel guest.
No, it was no other than a former acquaintance I thought I had kissed goodbye a while back.
Insecurity, with her attendant baggage of lies and self consciousness tried her best to tag along with me. She trailed me to meals and whispered things like, “Look at all those women eating together. You’re going to look so awkward sitting alone—or worse yet, barging in on a group’s conversation. Their average age must be thirty. Who’d want to pay attention to someone as old as you.”
I reminded her I was a daughter of the Lord and it was up to Him when and where He was finished living through me. Insecurity is a stubborn character though. She followed me into the lecture hall, but slunk to the back when Lysa Terkeurst opened with the admonition to “let your identity, not your insecurity lead in a situation.”
I thought I had lost her until I walked into my small critique group where I would give a five minute speech, along with the other eleven women. I’d always been confident about speaking before groups but was suddenly overcome with insecurity’s presence: “You’re just talking about something God did for you a long time ago. These women have ministries and lessons for today’s woman. “
And then her coup d’ etat: “Look at there! Mandisa is in your group! Sure hope no one wants you to sing. Now you’re really out of your league.”
Sure enough, there sat Mandisa. She said God was calling her to speak more and although she had no problem singing, she was actually nervous about delivering her speech to us!
“Ha! I whispered to my lying shadow. “Even a stage savvy, gifted woman like her gets nervous. Our God has gifted me as well in different areas, and He can say what He wants through my mouth and my writing. I am His workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works as much as every other woman in this room.”
As each woman began her message, the Lord took over and spoke healing, redemption, freedom, and grace. Insecurity moved to the back of the room but caught my attention after several powerful deliveries and mouthed, “They’re all so good.”
In turn, I stepped to the lectern, opened my mouth and let out my story of the mighty deeds of the Lord—timeless deeds regardless of age or season. Insecurity moved toward the door.
Mandisa stepped forward, did a few warmup jumping jacks to shake off her nerves and banged out her message with as much power as she does her songs.
Then, wedged in there in between the bathroom and the microwave counter of the little suite we were in she gave us another gift and sang "You're an
I looked behind me in time to see the door close as Insecurity slithered out.
Yes, our hearts may race and our palms sweat but we are OVERCOMERS in Christ! May we set that ever before our eyes.